Memoire

“It’s a curse and a blessing to remember memories vividly because once they stick with you, they stick with you forever and there’s no way you can ever erase it from your head.”


I’ve always told Daniel that I have an incredible memory of remembering tiny details from something that struck me as beautiful or important. As we are apart now, I can recall the his scent, I can recall the way my body molds into his when we cuddle, I can recall the warmth of his body against my skin (he hates my warmth because I radiate way too much heat and he says I’m only good to cuddle with during winter), I can recall how he looks like while he’s sleeping, I can recall almost every single detail he does and it makes me miss him even more. I miss him picking my bacne too, to be honest.

I have a selective memory. I choose to remember things which are beautiful and heartwarming. Till this day, I will never forget the first time I fell into Daniel’s arms, feeling his warm embrace and being engulfed in his scent, I’ve never felt so at peace before. I will also always remember the train ride from the airport. I sat beside Daniel in silence, but I felt calm and serene. I stared at him hard, for the longest time ever until he said, “Boy, you sure stare at me a lot.” I nod my head and smiled. It was my first time in 9 months to see his face up close and I enjoyed it immensely. He said I tried to touch him and I did it awkwardly and that’s when he knew I was truly in love with him.

At that moment I knew I wanted to be with this man forever. I studied his crooked nose, his sparse lashes and beautiful brown eyes. I liked his stubble and his lips looked soft and kissable. I never had my first kiss until I met him. I would say it was worth the wait. After staring at him for the longest time, I mouthed “I love you” to him and felt a gush of emotions running through my veins. It was overwhelming and beautiful that it hurt. Ever experienced something so immense and beautiful that you can’t handle it? That was my first time feeling that way and I could feel tears of joy coming on my way, so I rested my head on his shoulder.

I do not want these memories to fade. It can be a curse to remember things so vividly because on the off chance things do not workout with Daniel and I, these memories will inflict pain on me everytime it crosses my mind. But then again, maybe it’ll serve as another purpose, to remind me that true love is real and that it hurts, in a good way. It is a privilege to have loved truly, madly and deeply.

If the memories in my mind could be made into a slow motion film, it will win the best cinematography awards because of the heartwarming/heart wrenching miniscule details which people don’t really notice unless they’re in love.

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