“I love you in silence, for in silence I find no rejection.”
I can’t even write this out right now without feeling the tremble in my body as the intensity of my feelings keep coming up the surface and all I can do is feel the moment, while listening to soothing Japanese music to stay in the present.
I woke up a little disheveled, woken up by the rude intruding cough. I walked out my room and felt the cold breeze and warm sun. I could only stare at the beauty and not want to own it – that’s how I feel now, the deepest love is not something you will ever own, it is something that you would only love from afar, without doing anything at all, because again, we are all One. If your pain body is strong, strong emotions will evoke from within – and I think that is what I have been struggling with.
I think it is getting better, but there are some days where it just comes up like a thief. Usually I would try to shut down those feelings by downing a bottle of water, metaphorically speaking – to drown myself. We should really stop identifying with our emotions, but we are so addicted to it – as in how Eckhart Tolle have said it. Our emotions, feelings are just a myriad of energies, collective energies from the past, present and future – which do not define us. However, our ego loves it so much because drama over the years have taught us to feel this way.
Today I’m telling you : make your love impersonal. Universal love. True love is by being present and holding space for the person, not your typical “romance”. Your senses will get tricked by that perception. Spiritual love after all is our purpose here on Gaia.
Or maybe I’m just trying to justify and rationalize my feelings. We will never know, or it’s just that we know too much and it just creates this terrible myriad of never ending possibilities – parallel worlds.