“To sit or not to sit, that’s the question.”

Sit, day x of attempting sitting. What am I doing? Is it necessary to always type really fast or is it better to have a consistent speed and momentum in typing or just in doing everything?

Today S said that I type fast, I said that my dad made me to – but was that really real? I found myself asking myself that question. Someone can make me want to do something, but in the end I am the one who has free will (what is free will again – I do not want to start contradicting myself here so I will therefore end it right there) to make a decision.

I love, wait – that is not appropriate. I have been throwing that word around too much. I was going to say “I like how _________”. Voila, my train of thought is lost.

If this is what sitting is, I am not fully observant of my own thoughts to fully follow the train. Observing the letters that are appearing on the front screen while listening to the sound of the whirring fan as my fingers type steadily throughout the entire not-so-quiet Sunday night. Grumble, kapha overload, two days of not doing yoga – aha judging!

How does someone even sit for 30 minutes at least? Typing this post probably took me 3 minutes or so, but sitting with my thoughts and trying to direct them to some direction – feels awfully hard for me now. I used to love it, I used to love showing people that I am a thinker. Once I found out (ok, scrap that) —

There is no longer any joy in being a thinker constantly, alright enough sitting. Miles Davis or Erroll Garner, here we go. Moon in Gemini.


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