Heart of Gold

Taking advantage of people’s hearts of gold, and the ones who truly care and want it and need it most actually don’t get it, but get pushed out into the cold to survive by themselves, having a sense of bitterness in oneself in the long run or hope – only to be dashed by scammers alike.

What has our world come to? Liars, deceptive manipulators.

Where are the genuine people? They have to be out there somehow.

Never trust the internet (most of the time).


Uphill Battle

Whether it matters or not, some dreams wake you up from the rosy lens you’ve been using this entire time, stuck in a never endless time loop where you can’t seem to get out from it. Truth is, you can, but it’s going to be an uphill battle.

Battles, choose them wisely, and adjust yourself with time. I am writing this to myself, not to anyone, because I know more than anyone else my limits and my own darkness which I let occupy me for longer than it should, and it shouldn’t anymore.

Just when you start the battle, there will be a lot of obstacles, but there are people who love you as well. Win fair, play fair, be consistent, be humble, persistence is key.

SHe Needs

Notice how in the “she” there’s a “he”? Yes, we all have a masculine side within ourselves and to deny that will create an imbalance.

“She needs love” “She needs equality” – do you see that the embodiment of women is to empower all beings? Not just her female companions, but also male counterparts as well. That’s what mother nature does, brings back everyone to her womb, only to nurture and heal them once more.

So this divide of feminism and men-ism is not speaking about unity, but about separation and power struggles which for centuries has plagued every single mindset in our human brains.

We keep wanting equality but by shunning our other counterpart, what does that really mean? Still essentially rejecting our own parts, and that’s why we cannot come full circle.

To all neo-feminists out there, think of it. Anger will no longer prevail because it causes nothing but strife. That masculine side of ourselves is to empower us to be able to give life, give love to us first, and then extending that 10fold to the people around you.

Thank you Anne Hathaway for bringing this up.

I Understand

I understand now the process of owning your own darkness through relating with someone dark, and taking responsibility of your own as well instead of casting the shadow unto others. Not fair.

It’s a lot of inner work to find your inner resources to channel that powerful erotic side of yourself in a positive uplifting way.

So misunderstood, so repressed, but all I can say is that my chart brings me to understand myself on a deeper level and S makes me see all the potential in myself.

But for now, 36 degrees in and I don’t think I have the capacity to further “work”..

Time to step out from that learned state though, and move past it… …

-jumps off a cliff into the Caribbean-

On High Functioning Anxiety

Maybe everyone has a degree of high functioning anxiety in them, I noticed that I do this everytime when I have a fairly high degree of stress which then translates into anxiety. Coupled with music it becomes high functioning anxiety.

I never understood social anxiety either but now I feel it, it must’ve been something my brain tried to understand how I tried to cope all those years all thanks to the all seeing eye/portal of shrooms.

DMT later, and I am actually a little terrified, but I should not even think about it right now. I am currently finishing up this allowable cheat sheet and I can feel my hands becoming colder. I think I really love unnecessary adrenaline and that makes me high functioning.

Or “high” functioning (wink wink 😉


Energetically cutting cords with someone who made you lose a part of yourself, who reinvented your psyche, who made you a mini version of them – that form of intrusion is almost albeit unacceptable but thank the Gods for astrology and understanding some forms of psychic imprint in a person —

Dear God I ask for strength to finally breakthrough and have it all come full circle. It can happen now.

I feel really hot and fiery inside, imploding, fiery pits of dragon hell within the subconscious – so violent, controllable but strong – what is this? Serpent? Kundalini?

What is cutting cords? Burning bridges what is it that I have to do?