Feeling

Do you know why you go into deep bouts of depression? Yeah, you. All of us, or maybe some of us who try to ponder life’s meaning too much. Elitism. That’s what makes you depressed, no one ever asked you to find out the meaning of life and beyond, but because you think you’re so brilliant (the Ego), you start to question question and question. You get into songwriting, drawing, acting to act your deepest emotions because you cannot express it without feeling contrived, because people have seen you and that mask you’ve worn for a 1000 years, unchanged. To change creates fear, and that makes your heart pound. But there’s a part in you, that asks – what if I actually ran for it this time and stop making myself wait, rather than coming back a 1000 million, trillion, gazillion times to finally learn this, and step out of your comfort zone?

Ya. Olafur Arnalds is deep, not me. I am just a channel to channel thoughts. Beautiful.

Effort.

The OA

You, you come back to me in different ways. Subtle ways that I could have never even imagined.

It’s true, you’re always going to be a part of me, one that no matter how hard I try to erase because of the hurt, will always stay with me.

Looking at it from a different set of eyes, it’s a gift, but that comes with a cost. It is a fair trade, I guess.

I remember you used to listen to the sound of Saturn, and today The OA has piqued my interest, and I am listening to it with noise cancelling headphones like you always do.

If it really is where the soul travels to after death, it is no wonder, no surprise as to why I am in such peace.

Wow

Have you ever read some older posts you wrote and your thoughts are hinging between “holy shit this is awesome” or “wow that was a bunch of horse shit disguised in fancy writing”.

Music really affects the brain, I haven’t been listening to jazz a lot lately, did I become stupid as a result? Not really, but not with too much enthusiasm in life I guess. I’ve been listening to a lot of I don’t know what genre would that fit in the realm of altering consciousness. I just know I soak up a lot of those energies and they often would get reflected in the way I do things, say things, just anything.

Jazz is supposed to give you a ‘jizz’ of spirit flowing through you and everything sort of just becoming from a part of the subconscious. Jazz is supposed to be about the future, that’s what Seb said. La La Land killed me, I cried more than I should because it really reminded me of my own selfish ways and that I could possibly lose you if I get so caught up with my dreams.

I’m not going to make the same mistake, come back soon, I miss you a lot. x

Middle Way

Walking the middle way while listening to this Time masterpiece makes me extremely grateful for all the extremities in my life.

There is no way in hell I will be a goddamn tax analyst. No, just no. Knowing other people’s lives and applying cold callous facts to it just to tax you really does not ignite any passion in me. I don’t like this approach to my career for my entire life.

I’m starting to feel that there is no career for me in this life, and I might just be fine with that.

Dark Matter

It took me 10 years, 9 months, 8 weeks and 7 days to finally realize that you were the one I was manifesting, or glimpsed through all this time.

Of course I did not use 10 years, or maybe I am channeling that from your Higher Soul right now.

The parallels, they’re all coming together now. It’s crystal clear and again I am truly amazed at how the Universe conspires things to be the way it should be.

If this isn’t Clairsentience, it could be Psychology.

I’d like to say this though: How would you ever know how to manifest, or how would you even have visions of someone whom you never had an idea existed, but somehow knew they existed, and go on from there to fulfill your own prophecy?

It really takes two to tango you know. We’re not really that great really, alone I mean, and thinking that we are so great and creating everything on our own where in fact we are definitely co-creating with the Universe.

It’s the unseen, the dark matter.

Cheri, Where Art Thou

Have you ever disappeared from the surface of earth only to reappear again and finding out that you’ve lost out on so many things in life?

That’s exactly how I feel about life right now, I’ve been cocooned in my cage for so long, not knowing exactly how to let go, and suffer the consequences – but then again, nature always has its way of balancing things.

So now, I’m going through that process where I have to bring balance to all of my actions because I’ve used up my good karma and accumulated more Taurus karma with the last experience I had (at least that’s what I believe in).

And now, I feel that I am getting back to my old self, the real me – the cheerful, optimistic me who always will find a way through life with things. The nostalgia keeps flooding back in. Suddenly, I find myself thinking of this friendĀ I used to have 3 years ago, or even 4 years ago. She reminded me about so many good things about my childhood – I feel that somehow she is a part of my soul family.

Narnia, Ben Barnes, a love for gothic romance or anything gothic, classical music, dark but not brooding – channeling that North Nodian Scorpio energy again! I never forgot her first name. It took me quite awhile to remember her alias online, but alas! She wasn’t found again.

Or it could be my memory acting up.

If thou knowest about thee, please bestow me-th the wisdom (okay this Shakespeare conundrum is going nowhere, just give up) to find her.

Cheri, if you see this, it’d be golly well to hear from you.