Projections in where you see the darker side of humanity, but knowing that’s a gift as well because depth will be given, in totality.

Projections in where you see the lighter side of humanity, but that’s a gift to give somebody their full light, in totality.

I have accepted the energy exchange happens during coitus and we give our better energies to our other half to wake them up, vice versa.

Love and acceptance, so hard, when you come from conditional programming which you have created for yourself.


Olga came back to visit today, it was unexpected. I have been seeing 3393 and never was keen to look it up, and Olga has always been at the back of my mind. Decided to trust 5D again, and BAM. Olga, bringing me back to you.

Actuarian sounds is what you sound and feel like. Lightest, purest.

Olga, can you please tell me something? Connect me on astral levels tonight.

1112 oops



Traveling back in time, listening to Casey’s song the first time I ever watched Whiplash which soon became one of my favourite jazz movies – gut wrenching, heart wrenching, brows furrowed, sighing desolately.

I try to un-furrow my brows – disrupted – music goes on a loop again, this time it’s not so heavy, but it still lingers a little. Bittersweet, slow swaying movements.

I am dancing alone. Carpets with Persian patterns stretching across the floors in my non-existent New York apartment. Glass windows so wide, you could jump out of it anytime.

Living life on the edge, on an emotional edge, surviving every moment when strong emotions come to sweep you off. S do you know?

Trying to find solace somewhere else, they say finding it within you is your best bet, but the deeper I dig, the deeper I feel. I see the rose in full bloom, maybe the darkness does not have to kill her.



Trust me, I can understand how you feel. When someone so special shows up in your life and shows you a form of compassion you’ve never experienced or known before, it’s easy for you to fall in love with them.

At first, it may seem like a dream, an illusion, your analytical mind would try several hundred thousand combinations to reassure you in the most logical sense (disguised form of paranoia, I believe) – that this human, this soul is just you yourself projecting, projecting, projecting that you love the idea of them.

But when you dive deeper, you dive into your own psychological make-up, take away the analytical mind, tune into spirituality, reflecting on your current life energies – it all goes in circles, sways, patterns —-

Until one day it hits you.

Those 3 words.


Running late, staring at the phone trying hard not to laugh at my mistakes, besetzt, C thinks I need a mirror in my room but only I know why not.

Mirrors, unnecessary narcissism, good to not be able to see my face, let other things mirror me to learn necessaries.

Sarah, visited her and the Americans, but Amerikaans – fusion of America and Afrikaans for balance. Weird people they are, I thought I was, but this is Alabama. Florida I can handle that, beach people.

The constant need for approval, illicit, explicit. Alright coming back to cold hands and cold feet, sweaty pits and sweaty palms, need a little Joao Gilberto.

Stoicsm makes me slightly tired,